the ugly bits – Maggie Patterson

Less than 24 hours back from my annual Winter break where I pump myself up with vitamin D and family fun, and I gotta say. I’m tired.

Not in the usual I need a “vacation from my vacation” type of way, but in the whole “crap, I’ve had two weeks off and have a new lease on life” kind of way. Perspective is everything. And this perspective I have is from the outside – from the real world away from the computer screen – means that certain parts of online entrepreneurship are on my last nerve.

Before I let it rip, it’s worth saying that I still adore my amazing clients, community and business BFFs, but there’s some things afoot that need to be said.

You may not agree, and that’s fine by me. Because in my world, we can disagree and still respect one another, that’s how grownups operate. Speaking of which, that’s a nice intro into my first point.

#1. Be Grateful for Feedback. Not Ridiculously Hard Headed.

The online world is probably the only place I know of where it’s okay to dismiss feedback automatically as someone being a “hater” or a “troll”. The lack of honest, straight forward feedback to people who seriously suck and need a slap up side the head for their own good is mind boggling.

I’m not talking about the feedback that is rude, obnoxious or insulting because that should be dismissed. There’s no need to be careless or thoughtless, but feedback too many times isn’t given out of fear of reprisal. And when it is, too often there’s way too much drama, along with passive aggressive Facebook updates and tribes of friends pulling the mean girls routine. (I kid you not, I’ve seen it all first hand.)

In the real world, feedback is a thing, especially from your paying clients. So we all need to harden up and be grateful for it when we get it. It’s not easy for people to give, and you should be thankful when they do. I’m willing to bet, that there’s a big old kernel of truth in their feedback if you’d just get over your ego for one minute, so stop being hard headed and see how you can use that to improve and grow.

And yeah, I don’t like negative feedback either. It sucks. It hurts. But I know this one thing for sure. It makes me better. It fires me up and pushes me harder, which makes me better at what I do every single day.

#2. Being an Entrepreneur Doesn’t Make You a Superior Person.

I’ve had a business for nearly 10 years, and for 8 years I didn’t identify myself as an entrepreneur. Because, well, that was for startups in my mind – not small companies in even smaller country towns in rural Canada.

Now, while I do use that terminology, I’ve got to say, I still see so much BS around being an entrepreneur that it makes me want to count myself out many days.

Newsflash. Being an entrepreneur doesn’t make you a superior human being. Not everyone should be an entrepreneur. And having a “normal” career doesn’t mean you’re wasting your potential.

Yes, the economy is trending towards more and more independent workers, which you know I love. But the entire workforce can’t be that way. It’s a terrible idea.

Take my husband for example who works for Canada Border Services at a land border with the U.S. What the dickens happens when they all decide to quit and fulfill their “purpose” as entrepreneurs? We just open up the border and good luck?

What about your family doctor who decides she’s throwing in the towel and frolicking on the beach in Bali? How long until you’re able to find a new doctor – months, years?

Your faithful barista at Starbucks at your office away from home? Who’s gonna make your tall soy milk latte now?

My point exactly. There’s undercurrent in entrepreneurship that we think everyone should join the party. Please stop it. Not everyone should be at this party.

[Tweet “Not everyone should be at the online entrepreneurship party, so stop inviting everyone. New blog post by @magspatterson”]

I don’t know if it’s because we’re so freakin’ excited about our work, or we want people to justify just how entirely loco this ride is sometimes by having them come along with us. But we need to cut this out because entrepreneurship isn’t for everyone. We’ve discussed this at length at my house and how you’ve got to be a special breed of crazy to take this on. Plus, the economy needs workers and employees.

It’s not a bad thing, it’s reality, because I take my safety, healthcare and cappucinos seriously.

#3. Please Speak English. Seriously.

For a about one million years I worked in the software industry, which just in case you haven’t had the pleasure of reading a product data sheet or whitepaper is all about the jargon. From your whozitwhatsee to your SAAS, they speak their own language.

When I left the tech world, I was so excited to not have to deal with jargon anymore. Wrong. I was SO wrong. Online entrepreneurship is actually worse.

I have a big side eye on you coaches, especially life coaches. Speak English please. I have no idea what the chuck you’re talking about 99% of the time. I’m a relatively intelligent individual who works with words day in, day out and I’m stumped about finding my authentic purpose and passion so I can soar.

Yes, you should speak your audience’s language. But I can guarantee that your tribe really doesn’t understand what you’re saying either. You may have a dynamic enough personality that they like you and follow you anyways. But, this is why so many coaches are struggling. They’re stuck in their coach speak while the rest of us want English or our language of choice.

Clear will always trump clever. Which is why the coaches I know that are crushing it have clear value propositions that anyone off the street can grasp in a heartbeat. If you can’t nail in a single sentence what you can do for me and how, you need to reboot your messaging immediately.

#4. Cease and Desist on Kissing Ass.

Influencer marketing. Connecting with the big guns. Call it what you will. I call it kissing ass. My friend who shall remain nameless calls it the social BJ.

Network. Connect. Build legit relationships. But if your sole purpose is to connect with someone to get ahead, you’re doing it my friend and hopefully you get out with your dignity intact.

Now, this may seem super rudimentary like networking 101, but online and social media makes this SO much easier for people to do. It’s so much, much worse online because you don’t need to look someone in the eye. So you push the envelope and name drop, kiss ass on Twitter and see if they will notice you.

It’s sort of like trying to get invited to an A-list party in High School.

I graduated high school a long time ago, and quite frankly, I give zero fucks if you make $10k or $10 million. How much you make, how many followers you have doesn’t make you the kind of person I want to connect with automatically. No one gets more value in my book because of how much money they make. It’s much deeper than that.

Yes, I may want to learn from you if the opportunity presents itself if you’re a successful business owner but I am not going to treat you any differently because of it.

I think people do this because they think that’s what they are supposed to do. And really and truly it’s not. You’re good enough.

This type of thing is sad and delusional because these people that you’re trying to socially sleep with, they know exactly what you’re doing. So stop degrading yourself and start acting with some integrity. Stand on your own merits and not the fact that some “big name person who matters” likes you or buys into your schtick.

This entrepreneurship thing is hard some days and if we can all just raise the bar and cut this crap out, we can make it much simpler. And so much more enjoyable because we’ll be improving our businesses, being clear about what we do and quit acting like everyone should quit their job this very second. That in my mind would make this world a MUCH nicer place to be.

[Tweet “4 Things on My Last Nerve About Online Entrepreneurship – post from @magspatterson”]

With the podcast in place which is uber practical, I’ve been thinking a lot about what to actually blog about. I’ve had a couple conversations lately have really are making me think about how I can contribute – in a positive way – to creating a dialogue about the realities of entrepreneurship. If you will, sharing the ugly bits of what it is like to be an entrepreneur.

Online business is like online dating, where everything seems a certain way, and then after three months you fly across the country for your long-awaited meeting….

And oh my word, it is not good. It is disappointing. Frustrating. Heart wrenching. Because all that shiny, surface stuff is a total sham. Your dream dies a swift death and you are calling the airline to get your butt home as soon as possible.

Welcome to online entrepreneurship where shiny, happy outsides don’t tell the whole story. And that’s some of the stuff I want to tackle in the next weeks and months here on the blog. All the ugly bits that are ignored, neglected and simply not talked about enough.

Side Note – If you want to talk more about online dating and online business, that happens to be the topic of next week’s podcast episode with my guest Jessica Kupferman of Lady Business Radio.

This is where context comes in. As a business owner, we all tell stories, but a lot of those times, the story is incomplete. Without context you are missing how you actually connect with people on a deeper level. You are doing your content a major disservice.

Why You Desperately Need Context

Everyone talks about telling a story, but where the real power is in providing the context for the story.

Think of the absolute best concert you ever went to. For me that probably was a Dave Matthews concert back in the 90s. What made that concert so good, so memorable wasn’t just the music, it was the context of the music. The venue, the people, the arrangements….and how Dave Matthews shared things about the songs we we hearing. That’s context at work.

In your business, context can be created in so many ways. Do you use words or video? What tone and manner do you use? What facts do you include?

All of those things help fill the gaps for your audience. When you leave too much room for interpretation your point can be quickly lost.

If you aren’t convinced, check out the Kuleshov Effect. ( Finally! My time in film studies class is useful!) The Russian filmmaker edited together the same clip three ways to illustrate how we bring our own emotional reactions to the table. 100 years later, it’s something that psychologists still talk about use as an example of the idea that our brains draw inferences based on the information we are given.

The same thing goes with how you tell your story. Whether you are talking about your business in a Facebook group, or writing a blog post. A little bit of context can help you stop people from filling in the blanks and seriously help amp up the power of your message.

Enough with the Russian Film Lesson, How Do We Actually Apply This?

Context is everything. Adding context to your story will elevate your game and help you form stronger, more meaningful connections.

Note. I’m not talking about some squishy, manufactured transparency. If you bring that to the conversation, you might as well not bother. People know when your “authenticity” or “transparency” is cultivated and controlled. It smells F-A-K-E and eventually that will run out.

On the flip side, do you need to share every little thing? Hell to the no. I do not need to know your lunch choices every single day. I can guarantee there’s something things I will likely never talk about and that’s okay, because they are not relevant to the stories I share.

You have the power to edit, but if you are going to “go there” telling a story, you need to add the things that round it out. If you were writing a research report, you’d include data. If you are sharing stories in your business, you need context.

[Tweet “Add more context to your content and tell the whole story. New blog post from @magspatterson http://bit.ly/1fFik5q”]

Start Using More Context Right Now

Here are some practical easy ways to start using more context starting right now in your storytelling:

#1: Share Bits of the Backstory

This is something I personally try to do as much as possible. I don’t pretend I just showed up online and was able to build a business. I am very clear that I had a business for 8 years where I learned the ropes, and before that I spent 5 years getting the best training humanly possible in a top PR agency. Without sharing those parts of my backstory, my “successes” may be depressing to someone fresh to the business world. I came to this gig knowing how to do contracts, billing, new business meetings, marketing and all sorts of things that give me an edge over a total newbie.

#2. Give Credit Where Credit is Due

Oh that launch that sold a gajillion and propelled you to a big money goal….enough already. It didn’t happen overnight. Did you walk into your first launch with a list of 10,000 people you’ve been working on for three years? Did you have a big name partner who was the starmaker? That’s context that must be shared. Let people understand that there’s more to the story and there’s no such thing as an overnight success.

#3. Use the Right Medium

Have you ever got an email where you thought, OMG? Is this person serious? That’s exactly what happens when you use the wrong medium for your storytelling. It’s like a game of telephone where everything ends up a hot mess and no one knows what the story really is. Every medium from a blog post to a video to a podcast brings context. Think more about the context of your story and how it is best served.

#4. Be of Service

Trust me, the world only wants to hear your story if it is in someway useful or helpful to them. Service should be part of the context of your story. Why are you telling me this? Why the @#$@# should I take time to listen? Be clear and find a way to use that context to form a bond with your audience. Don’t just share a brag or insight – tell them why you are doing it and how you hope it will help them. (Without being patronizing or condescending of course, because that’s just not cool.)

#5. Straight Up Honesty

If you can’t be straight up honest and share context, maybe you shouldn’t tell that particular story. Part of my sharing this story with you today is about my honest irritation with all the shiny, happy online marketing crap. Celebrate success, but share the failures too. Those moments that are so ugly you don’t want to share them, they may help someone.

That time you spent an entire day lying in bed crying because you were so overwhelmed and then you had to work with three different coaches to get your head checked? (True story, by the way circa October 2013.)

That is context which helps someone figure out that asking for help is okay, and necessary to being successful. Or that even the toughest ladies have big breakdowns on the way to the next level too.

So, how can you be more transparent? How can you add more context to all of your content? What of the five lessons can you apply starting now to create stronger connections?

Ask yourself all of this next time you produce content.

Comment below please, because this is just the start of a journey here on the blog into the ugly bits of this online business gig. I’ve got quite a list of things I want to tackle and open up a dialogue about with my own context on the bigger story.